What's long and hard and has cum in it?
What's long and hard and has cum in it?
John was in a bar looking very dejected. His friend, Steve, walked over and asked "What's wrong?" "It's my mother-in-law" John replied, while shaking his head sadly. "I have a real problem with her". "Cheer up" Steve said. "Everyone has problems with their mother-in- law". "Yeah" John answered. "But I got mine pregnant".
If men always fall asleep directly after sex then why is it so hard to catch a rapist?
Fodster (12-04-2015)
The Red Cross knocked at my door asking if I could help towards the floods in India. I said I would love to, but my hose only reaches the bottom of the driveway.
Fodster (12-04-2015)
First rule of Thesaurus Club.
You don't talk, converse, discuss, speak, chat, deliberate, confer, gab, gossip or natter about Thesaurus Club
Fodster (12-04-2015)
I can't believe my best friend has died doing what he loved. He was a respected and popular skydiver.
Really down to earth guy
Fodster (12-04-2015)
A virile, young Italian gentleman named Giusto was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young
blonde woman.
Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled
her senseless with his love making.
After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?" She
paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."
Surprised, Giusto reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she
thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sex finally
ends and, again, Giusto smiles and asks, "You finish?"
Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him
and softly says, "No." Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to
outlast him, Giusto reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.
Exhausted, Giusto falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his
head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, "You finish?"
Barely able to speak, the beautiful blonde whispers in his ear.
"No, I Norwegian"
I thought the wife would be the ideal candidate for a new TV show. Turns out I got it all wrong and the program's called FACT Hunt.
My son was sent home from school for swearing today. I said what did u say? He said the 'c' word. I said "It wasn't clever, was it?" He said "No, it was cunt".
There are three brothers, Tom, Dick and Harry. Tom calls Dick and says "Listen Dick, my wife has been in the hospital for two months and I need a woman! Why don't you send your wife over to spend a couple of nights with me and when my wife gets out of the hospital I'll let her spend a couple of nights with you, okay?" This really makes Dick angry! So angry that he calls Harry and tells him about it. Harry says "Man, you should have taken him up on that deal! His wife is much better in bed than your wife..."
Why do women have legs?
Why do women have legs?
Fodster (12-13-2015)
A charity worker knocked on my door and said "would you like to enter a race, it's for blind kids" I thought "well damn, I could win that!"
DemonGeminiX (12-18-2015), Fodster (12-13-2015)
A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off the nun and the priest surveyed their situation.
After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke. "Well Sister, this looks pretty grim". "I know, Father. In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two". "I agree" says the Father. "Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?" "Yes Father - anything". "I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours". "Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm".
The Nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.
"Sister, would you mind if I touched them?" She consented and he fondled them for several minutes. "Father, could I ask something of you?" "Yes, Sister?" "I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?" "I suppose that would be okay" the Priest replied lifting his robe. "Oh Father, may I touch it?" The priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection.
"Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give life?" "Is that true Father?" "Yes, it is, Sister". "Oh Father, that is wonderful! Stick it in the camel and let's get the hell out of here!"
I've started a business building yachts in my attic. Sails are going through the roof.
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