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10-23-2016, 05:12 AM
#376
Shelter Dweller
What's invisible and unpopular?
A fart in a lift.
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10-23-2016, 10:44 AM
#377
Shelter Dweller
My friend keeps saying, "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
I know he means well!
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10-27-2016, 10:07 AM
#378
Shelter Dweller
A drunk walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck. The bartender says, "You can stay but don't try to start anything!"
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10-27-2016, 10:09 AM
#379
Shelter Dweller
Just bought a low energy light bulb from the shop.
Assistant asked "Will you be putting this up yourself?"
I said "No its going in the lounge"
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10-27-2016, 01:50 PM
#380
Shelter Dweller
I asked the missus to say something to make me happy and sad at the same time!
She said "you've got a bigger cock than your brother!"
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The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to The Monk For This Useful Post:
Loser (10-31-2016),
RBP (10-31-2016)
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10-27-2016, 01:51 PM
#381
Shelter Dweller
What's long, hard, and contains seamen?
A submarine.
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10-31-2016, 01:04 AM
#382
Shelter Dweller
Did you hear about the two gay ghosts?
They put the willies up each other.
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10-31-2016, 01:05 AM
#383
Shelter Dweller
I bought my wife some crotchless knickers for Halloween, nothing sexual, just to give her a better grip on her broomstick.
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The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to The Monk For This Useful Post:
Loser (10-31-2016),
RBP (10-31-2016)
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11-01-2016, 01:59 PM
#384
Shelter Dweller
The worst part of making your own porn movie is when the couple can hear you in the cupboard....
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11-01-2016, 09:52 PM
#385
aka TheInvisibleMan
You know what broccoli and anal sex have in common?
...If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.
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11-02-2016, 02:11 AM
#386
Shelter Dweller
Just got sacked from my job as a dishwasher.
I kept putting the plates and bowls in the wrong order.
The boss reckons I am dishlexic.
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The Following User Says Thank You to The Monk For This Useful Post:
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11-02-2016, 02:12 AM
#387
Shelter Dweller
Little Red riding hood found in a critical condition.
Paramedics have stabilised her condition, but she's not out of the woods yet.
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The Following User Says Thank You to The Monk For This Useful Post:
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11-02-2016, 02:12 AM
#388
Shelter Dweller
Arguing with my wife is like reading the software licencing agreement.
In the end, you ignore everything and click "I agree".
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The Following User Says Thank You to The Monk For This Useful Post:
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11-02-2016, 02:13 AM
#389
Shelter Dweller
People are usually shocked when they find out I'm not a very good electrician.
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11-02-2016, 02:14 AM
#390
Shelter Dweller
What's the difference between "ooooooh" and "aaaaaaah"?
About three inches.
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