Three men die on Christmas Eve. To get into heaven, St Peter says "You must have something on you that represents Christmas". The Englishman flicks on his lighter and says "It's a candle, St Peter lets him pass. The Welshman pulls out a set of keys and jingles them and says they are bells, St Peter lets him pass. The Irishman pulls out his 10 inch cock and St Peter says "How the hell does that represent Christmas!" Paddy says "It's a fucking cracker isn't it"
That is a perfect description..... 41°C yesterday and the same again today..... it will only get hotter as summer progresses .....Originally Posted by redred
redred (01-04-2017)
A have a few friends out by you posting Facebook pictures of their beach trips, looks nice and hot at the moment
Too bloody hot mate..... hit nearly 45° out near my place yesterday
I answered the door this morning.
A 6ft beetle punched me in the face & called me a fat twat.
Apparently there's a nasty bug going round!
DemonGeminiX (01-13-2017)
I don't know why people think I'm boring?
The police often call me a "person of interest".
Fuck that I'd melt
The Monk (01-06-2017)
A co-worker nearly died in front of me at work today... but then I counted to 10, calmed down and put the scissors back in my desk.
DemonGeminiX (01-13-2017)
A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see a well-known Chinese sex therapist, Dr. Chang. So she went to see him.
Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said "Okay, take off all you crose". The woman did as she was told.
"Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odder side of room". Again, the woman did as she was instructed.
Dr. Chang then said "Okay, now craw reery, reery fass back to me". So she did. Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates".
Worried, the woman asked anxiously "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?" Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eye and replied "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass".
DemonGeminiX (01-13-2017)
My wife was dying. I was by her bedside. She said in a tired voice. "There's something I must confess." "Shhh" i said, there's nothing to confess. Everything's all right." "No I must die in peace. I fucked your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father!" "I know," I whispered "That's why I poisoned you, now close your eyes and die!''
DemonGeminiX (01-13-2017), RBP (01-08-2017), The Monk (01-15-2017)
This one made me laugh out loud.
Warning: The posts of this forum member may contain trigger language which may be considered offensive to some.
Music was better when ugly people were allowed to make it.
The Monk (01-15-2017)
What's long and thin...
Covered in skin...
Red in parts...
and goes in tarts?...
Statistics show that people who have more birthdays live longer.
My Thai girlfriend assured me that a small penis should never be an issue in a loving relationship.
I still wish she didn’t have one though
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