An 8-year-old choir boy catches the priest masturbating.
He said, "What are you doing father?"
"It's called masturbating," the priest replied. "You'll be doing this soon."
"Why father?" he asked.
"Because my wrist is killing me," the priest replied.
An 8-year-old choir boy catches the priest masturbating.
He said, "What are you doing father?"
"It's called masturbating," the priest replied. "You'll be doing this soon."
"Why father?" he asked.
"Because my wrist is killing me," the priest replied.
"It's a boy!" I shouted tears rolling down my face "I don't believe it. A boy!"
Its at that moment I decided I'd never visit Thailand again.
My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with measuring my penis. For the record, it reaches the back of her sister's throat!
KevinD (02-13-2017)
I walked in to a supermarket today and noticed an attractive woman waving at me...
She said hello and I was rather taken aback because I couldn't place where I knew her from.
So I asked, "Do you know me?"
To which she replied, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now. my mind traveled back to the only time I have ever been unfaithful to my wife and I said, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?"
She looks into my eyes and said calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."
Griffin (02-14-2017)
This guy is banging this girl, the girl asks "You haven't got aids have you?" He replies "No" she responds "Oh, thank fuck for that! I don't want to get that again!"
A young guy was laying on his back on a massage table, wearing only a towel over his groin. A young, very attractive Swedish girl was massaging his shoulders, then his chest, and gradually worked her way down his torso. The guy was getting sexually excited as the masseur approached the towel. The towel began to lift and the Swedish girl arched her eyebrows. "You wanna wank?" she asked. "You bet!" came the excited reply. "OK" she said. "I come back in ten minutes".
My wife asked me where I'd like to be buried?
Apparently "balls deep in your sister" wasn't the answer she was expecting.
Was Barry white?
Was Marvin gay?
Was Cilla black?
Sure makes Stevie wonder...
Some parents don’t allow vaccinations for religious reasons. If you don’t want anything stuck into your kid, don’t take them to a priest.
I was in a pet shop when I noticed a Muslim girl with the most amazingly coloured parrot perched on her shoulder. "Where did you get that from?" I asked. "Germany. There's fucking thousands of 'em!" said the parrot.
In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from university.
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephant's foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.
As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.
Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.
Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenage son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant.
Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn't the same elephant.
A guy is walking past a bus stop and says to a woman "Can I smell your cunt?" "Fuck off, no you can't smell my cunt!" the woman yells back at him "Oh" he replies, looking slightly confused "it must be your feet then".
RBP (03-09-2017)
Thought the wife had Tourettes
took her to a doctor
The good news She's not got it
The bad news I am a cunt and she
does want me to fuck off
Women say I am ugly until they see my bank account.
Then they say I am ugly and poor.
I wanted to be a Monk, but I never got the chants.
DemonGeminiX (03-09-2017), redred (03-09-2017), The Monk (03-09-2017)
One good thing about getting older is that multi tasking becomes much easier.
You can sneeze, pee & shit yourself all at the same time!
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