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Thread: My Own Joke Thread - SFW, NSFW & Offensive Content

  1. #526
    Shelter Dweller The Monk's Avatar
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    My girlfriend asked me to buy some pills, so that I could finally get an erection...

    I bought her some diet-pills!

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    RBP (05-18-2017)

  3. #527
    Shelter Dweller The Monk's Avatar
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    Last edited by The Monk; 05-02-2017 at 10:13 AM.

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  5. #528
    Shelter Dweller The Monk's Avatar
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    I found a hole in one of my trainer that's just big enough to put my finger through.

    One complaint from her, and I'm now banned from the gym.

  6. #529
    Shelter Dweller The Monk's Avatar
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    A woman weightlifter goes to the doc's:

    "I've been taking steroids, & now I've grown a cock"

    "Anabolic" says the Doctor

    "No just a cock!"

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  8. #530
    Mr Magoo RBP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Monk View Post
    A woman weightlifter goes to the doc's:

    "I've been taking steroids, & now I've grown a cock"

    "Anabolic" says the Doctor

    "No just a cock!"
    I wanted to be a Monk, but I never got the chants.

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  10. #531
    Shelter Dweller The Monk's Avatar
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    If you've ever wondered what it'd be like to be married...

    Find a woman who doesn't want to have sex with you, and buy her a house.

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  12. #532
    Shelter Dweller The Monk's Avatar
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    I found out two things today.

    1. My computer will always be better than me at chess.

    2. I'm better than it at kick boxing.

  13. #533
    Mr Magoo RBP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Monk View Post
    If you've ever wondered what it'd be like to be married...

    Find a woman who doesn't want to have sex with you, and buy her a house.
    I wanted to be a Monk, but I never got the chants.

  14. #534
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    I went to a vegan restaurant once. Wait no..It was a florist

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  16. #535
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    Man say to his wife: "I have a problem at work..." Wife: "Hun, now that we're married, you don't say you have a problem you say we have a problem". Man: "Okay, we've knocked up our secretary..."

  17. #536
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    What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common? They can both smell it but can't eat it.

  18. #537
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    80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!" An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out "An elephant?" Bessie thinks a minute and says "Close enough".

  19. #538
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    A man with a mask on walks into a bank and goes to the desk. He pulls out a gun and points it at the lady at the desk. He says "Open the vault, bitch!" The woman says "Sir, this is a sperm bank. We don't have any money here!" The man says "Open the vault RIGHT NOW or I'm going to blow your fucking head off!!"

    She opens the vault and turns back to the man and he said "Take out one of those jars". The woman says "Please sir, I promise you we don't have any money here. This is a sperm bank". The man said "Take out one of those jars right now or I'll blow your fucking head off'.

    The women turns, grabs the jar and looks back to the man and he said "Take lid off and swallow it". She looks at him in disgust and pleads to him saying "Sir, this is sperm. Please, I'm not drinking sperm. We don't have any money here. Please leave". The man says "Take the lid off and drink it or I'll blow your fucking head off!"

    So the woman takes off the lid and downs it no problem, then turns to look back at the man. To her amazement he whips off the mask and it was her husband. He looked at her and said "See! It's not that fucking difficult is it?!"

  20. #539
    Shelter Dweller The Monk's Avatar
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    "Mum! I'm going out!"

    You're not leaving this house until you change that miniskirt!!

    "Why?"

    Because I can see your balls, Richard.

  21. #540
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    I had a dream I was swimming in a ocean of orange soda. Turns out it was just a Fanta Sea.

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