My Own Joke Thread - SFW, NSFW & Offensive Content

**The Monk** · 07-28-2017, 08:07 AM

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhoea in the convent". "Thank God" said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay".

**The Monk** · 08-08-2017, 04:50 AM

A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed. The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife. A moment of silence passes and the guy says "I can't believe anybody would fuck my wife after only five beers!"

**The Monk** · 08-13-2017, 04:14 AM

It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Pokey. But I've turned myself around and that's what it's all about.

**The Monk** · 08-13-2017, 04:16 AM

I said to the wife "I thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread today, but when I looked again it said 'Thick Cut'"

**The Monk** · 08-13-2017, 04:16 AM

The first time I asked a woman to have sex with me my hands were sweating and shaking uncontrollably... I'd never pointed a gun at anyone before.

**The Monk** · 08-13-2017, 04:17 AM

I don't like telling jokes about Muslims. A lot of them have a very short fuse.

**The Monk** · 08-17-2017, 02:05 PM

Man & beard 50 years ago “Going to the woods to chop down trees”
Man & beard today “Going to the shop there's a face mask thats gluten-free”

**The Monk** · 08-17-2017, 02:43 PM

I spent all day yesterday bobbing up and down in the water.

It's been my dream ever since I was a little buoy.

**The Monk** · 08-17-2017, 02:53 PM

Went to the sperm clinic earlier.
The lady asked if I'd like to masturbate in the cup?

I said 'I'm good but not ready for competition yet'

**The Monk** · 08-19-2017, 04:16 AM

**The Monk** · 08-19-2017, 04:34 AM

Woman: Does Viagra work?

Pharmacist: Yes

Woman: Can you get it over the counter?

Pharmacist: Yes if I take two....

**The Monk** · 08-28-2017, 09:05 AM

Me: A nice bunch of flowers for the wife please

Florist: Certainly, sir. Are you looking for anything particular?

Me: A blow job hopefully

**The Monk** · 08-30-2017, 08:47 PM

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it…

We went out and had some drinks..

Cool guy..

Wants to be a web developer.

**The Monk** · 08-30-2017, 08:48 PM

Went for an interview at a Blacksmiths

Blacksmith:
"Are you any good at shoeing horses?"

I said:
"No but I once told a Donkey to fuck off"

**The Monk** · 08-30-2017, 08:52 PM

Ice cream man found dead today!

His head was covered with sprinkles & chocolate sauce.

Police believe he may have topped himself.

Thread: My Own Joke Thread - SFW, NSFW & Offensive Content

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