Roses are red, violets are blue, I have candy and a gun, get in the fucking van!
Roses are red, violets are blue, I have candy and a gun, get in the fucking van!
The Monk (08-07-2015)
As of this week, all new Euros are to be printed on Greece-proof paper.
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Syria has appealed for international assistance today, after a boatload of 500 Greeks arrived seeking a better life.
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What are the first three letters of the Greek alphabet? I.O.U.
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My son asked me what it was like to live in Greece, so I took his pocket money off him.
"You'll be fine" the doctor said after finishing the young blonde woman's surgery. But, she asked "How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?" The surgeon seemed to pause and his face reddened... as a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye. The blonde was alarmed. "What's the matter, doctor? I will be all right, won't I?" He replied "Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out".
A guy comes walking into a bar with a turtle in his hand. The turtle's one eye is black and blue, two of his legs are bandaged, and his whole shell is taped together with duct tape. The bartender looks at the guy and asks: "What's wrong with your turtle?" "Not a thing" the man responds, this beat up turtle is faster than your dog!" "Not a chance!" replies the barkeep. "Okay then, says the guy... you take your dog and let him stand at one end of the bar. Then go and stand at the other end of the room and call your dog. I'll bet you $500 that before your dog reaches you, my turtle will be there". So the bartender, thinking it's an easy $500, agrees. The bartender goes to the other side of the bar, and on the count of three calls his dog. Suddenly the guy picks up his turtle and throws it across the room, narrowly missing the bartender, and smashing into the wall and says - "I WIN... told you it'll be there before your dog!"
Woman gives birth to twins. The midwife says there's good news and bad news. Bad news is one's ginger but the good news is it's dead.
HyperV12 (08-07-2015)
HyperV12 (08-07-2015)
redred (08-07-2015)
Originally Posted by redred
CUNNY FUNT !!
redred (08-08-2015)
you had to know you were going to get some stick
you had to know you were going to get some stick
Short memories...... or is it just that you don't very often get this chance?
As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter. I took my finger back out and within seconds she was going down on me. "I really need a new fucking boat" I thought to myself.
HyperV12 (08-21-2015)
Man goes to a fancy costume party wearing only a glass jar on his penis. A woman asks "What are you?" He says "I'm a fireman". "But you're only wearing a glass jar...?" says the woman. "Exactly! In an emergency, break glass, pull knob and I'll come as fast as I can!"
A few minutes before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
"Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asked Satan.
"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.
"Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical AGONY... for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep," was the calm reply.
"And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope."
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for the last 48 years!!..
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