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Thread: New Workplace Diversity Initiative Kills One White Employee Every Hour On The Hour Until More Minority Candidates Hired

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    Mr Magoo RBP's Avatar
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    White Privilege New Workplace Diversity Initiative Kills One White Employee Every Hour On The Hour Until More Minority Candidates Hired

    TERRE HAUTE, IN—In an effort to foster a more inclusive workplace, Jetsam Marketing Solutions announced Wednesday a new plan to implement diversity by conducting hourly regimented killings of white employees and hiring a more equitable percentage of minority candidates in their stead.

    “Until our staffing goals are met, one white person, preferably a straight man, will be publicly executed every 60 minutes, leaving a vacant position for a candidate who represents an historically disadvantaged group,” said human resources manager Allison Conte, who sat behind her desk and sharpened a knife as she told reporters the company could no longer be accused of merely paying lip service to representation.

    “While creating a more diverse organization is not something that happens overnight, we believe that at our current pace we can have the matter resolved within five days, six tops.”

    At press time, sources confirmed several newly hired employees at Jetsam Marketing had filed complaints alleging the company maintains a hostile work environment.

    I wanted to be a Monk, but I never got the chants.

  2. #2
    #DeSantis2024 Teh One Who Knocks's Avatar
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    The Onion probably shouldn't give them any ideas in our ever increasingly dystopian society.

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    Shelter Dweller PorkChopSandwiches's Avatar
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    Sounds about right






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    transracial Hal-9000's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teh One Who Knocks View Post
    The Onion probably shouldn't give them any ideas in our ever increasingly dystopian society.
    Yep, people tried to charge their iPhones in microwaves from reading less..

    gotta be careful with what you put out there on social media, joke or not

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    Basement Dweller Godfather's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teh One Who Knocks View Post
    The Onion probably shouldn't give them any ideas in our ever increasingly dystopian society.
    There’s a forums somewhere finding The Onion articles that come true, I’ll try and dig it up.... it’s horrifying

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