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Thread: Writing Exercise: Write me a note for the foul phantom dumper at work

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    Basement Dweller Godfather's Avatar
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    Shit Post Writing Exercise: Write me a note for the foul phantom dumper at work

    Ok here's the scoop. Our office is on the 18th floor of a nice office tower downtown. My office occupies half, while the other half is a few other offices: A weird Asian foreign investment company (who I suspect to be at fault because maybe I'm a racist), a lawyer's office, and a finance firm.

    For the past 6-months, someone has been W R E C K I N G the stall in the men's bathroom. I'm talking clogging an industrial strength toilet to the point where our poor janitors need to wear plastic to unfuck the situation. I'm talking the hugest shits you've seen in your life, along with several yards of toilet paper both in and around the toilet. Whoever is doing this is a sadistic, troubled piece of shit. I'm not sure if they're afraid to flush as they go, simply don't care, or get some sick pleasure out of it.

    The guys in my office are incredibly fed up but haven't caught anyone in the act yet. If I catch the guy I'm not even sure what I'll do It's the worst serial shitting I've seen in my life, far worse than anything I even saw in high school bathrooms.

    SO, if anyone feels creative, take a stab at writing your angriest, most shaming note you can dream up to belittle a turd monster for all mankind, and I'll post it in the bathroom at work. The only requirement is that it can't be blatantly threatening because I feel that would be a bad idea.

    I'll post my draft shortly
    Last edited by Godfather; 12-11-2018 at 04:03 AM.

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    Mr Magoo RBP's Avatar
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    I wanted to be a Monk, but I never got the chants.

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    Mr Magoo RBP's Avatar
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    I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom I can tell you I don't have money, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you start to courtesy flush now, and flush after, and spray air freshener, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will teach you basic social skills.
    I wanted to be a Monk, but I never got the chants.

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    Basement Dweller Godfather's Avatar
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    Fuck that's so much better than anything I had in mind.

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    Mr Magoo RBP's Avatar
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    I wanted to be a Monk, but I never got the chants.

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    Mr Magoo RBP's Avatar
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    I wanted to be a Monk, but I never got the chants.

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    Take Box B DemonGeminiX's Avatar
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    I just took a huge dump. It was a log of epic proportions. I didn't even think about the multiple flushing. I think past experiences with a plunger has made multiple flushing second nature.

    But yeah, I feel 10 lbs lighter. Whew!


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    Mr Magoo RBP's Avatar
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    I wanted to be a Monk, but I never got the chants.

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    21-Jazz hands salute Muddy's Avatar
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    What in gods name is happening in this thread..?

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    Mr Magoo RBP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Muddy View Post
    What in gods name is happening in this thread..?
    Shitposting
    I wanted to be a Monk, but I never got the chants.

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    21-Jazz hands salute Muddy's Avatar
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    Music was better when ugly people were allowed to make it.

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    He who laughs, lasts. Noilly Pratt's Avatar
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    Tyoe a note starting "Dude - I'm concerned...." and then copy this: https://www.livestrong.com/article/5...dont-eat-much/

    He could have a disease...

    Signature created way-back-when by Goofy

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