Wanted for suspicion of murder, buggery, and shoplifting, Waldo is finally captured. Witnesses reveal he made a solitary statement "I killed them forum guys, but I did not shoot no deputy down". Which is particularly odd as no deputies had been murdered.

In other breaking news, SmoothRoberto, thought murdered in the first of the now infamous Waldo rampages, was found alive and well. In a well. Roberto told reporters something that sounded like 'I ich bein ein berliner' and then giggled a lot. A Scottish translator has been summoned. At the current time, he has been cleaned up, given a bowl of fresh milk and some jam, and appears calm.

Meanwhile, the Waldo case has taken a sinister new turn as revealed at a press conference led by Sheriff Roscoe P. Benhoffer Flabberfoot. Sheriff Flabberfoot, or 'Big Roscoe' as he prefers to be called, was the man responsible for the arrest of Waldo earlier this week.

"When we first found all them bodies, I said boys (ED: his deputies) lets go round up the usual suspects. Which we did, and we even lynched us three of them Negroes, but finally my deputy said 'Big Roscoe, why is we killing them Negroes if it was a white boy what done all dem killings?'. And we laughed and laughed and finally went and caught us a white boy, one of them queers, and a Jew, cause they always be guilty of something. And also, a Papist, we don't tolerate Catholics in these parts. And we had another lynching and a barbecue. Then my deputy Feenus comes up and says 'I got me one, I got me one', and sure nuff, he had that Waldo fellow. So we takes that Waldo fellow back to the jail and puts him under hot lights, and you know what? He up and rambled like a madman. That boys cracker done crumbled."

Waldo is currently being held in Big Roscoe's jail cell with local ne'er-do-well Clem 'back door bandit' Ferber. No information is available as to if Vaseline has been provided or not.