"I just stopped my own heart. That's my CIA training." -- Sue
"Will, you have more grease in your hair than the guy behind WikiLeaks." -- Sue
"I wore a tank top today because I thought it was summer. No one ever taught me how to read a calendar." -- Brittany
"Hey, Will. Esmé." -- Sue
"I agree with SpongeHair SquareChin." -- Sue
"You're lucky I left my blowgun at home, Airbags, because I got a clear shot at your nonnies." -- Sue
Schuester: "Who can tell us what an anthem is?"
Brittany: "The bottom of an ant's pants."
"I've got to get that girl on my Cheerios." -- Sue re: Sam
"I'm at the end of my Lauren Zizes rope. I need to get into those enormous pants." -- Puck
"I can't. My uncle lost his job and his goat was going hungry, so I spent it on food for the goat. Well, sorta. The goat just ate the money." -- Brittany
"Honestly, although my love would crush him, I'm totally turned on by the Biebster. That is, until I remember that he looks like he's 12; then it's sort of creepy." -- Lauren
"Most teachers think that by cutting class, I might improve my grades." -- Brittany
"And William, I don’t care how adorable those kids are, if I hear one song from that classic-rock outfit Journey, I will start pulling catheters." -- Sue
"When people look at you, they don't see what you're wearing. They see a cat getting its temperature taken and then they hear it screaming." -- Brittany
"Every time you open your humongous mouth to do an impression or moisten an enormous stamp for a lazy giant, you get one step closer to everyone seeing you're actually a dork." -- Santana