My Own Joke Thread - SFW, NSFW & Offensive Content

[HyperV12]

I'm going to start a glass coffin company. Will my idea take off? Remains to be seen.

[The Monk]

On my birthday, I get a blowjob.
On our anniversary, I get a blowjob.
On valentine's day, I get a blowjob.
At xmas, I get a blowjob.

So at every major celebratory occasion, I get a blowjob.

I flop my cock out at the mother-in-law's funeral and all of a sudden I'm insensitive.

[The Monk]

A senior policeman in China has been suspended from his job after being caught masturbating and smoking joints in his office.

No name was given but he was a high wanking officer.

[The Monk]

I saw a hearse today with a wreath inside that said "DAD"......


I think they left the "E" out...

[The Monk]

UK Headline:

Black man nearly drowns in local river.

US Headline:

Black man caught stealing water. Shot 4 times.

[The Monk]

Whilst in America, my son and I went shopping in Wal-mart. I asked the cashier if they had any Kinder eggs.

"Oh no, sir, we don't sell them in the States - they are a health hazard!"

"Okay," I replied. "I'll just take these two assault rifles then."

[The Monk]

As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter.
I took my finger back out and within seconds she was going down on me.
"I really need a new fucking boat," I thought to myself.