Muddy (08-10-2016)
Porky's joke game is on fleek!
I wanted to be a Monk, but I never got the chants.
PorkChopSandwiches (07-21-2016)
So my friend has started dating twins!
I asked him the other day "How do you tell them apart?"
He said "Well, Stacy is the blonde with a perfect ass, great tits, and a fantastic figure... and Brian has a cock"
DemonGeminiX (08-10-2016), KevinD (07-21-2016), RBP (08-10-2016), The Monk (08-08-2016)
DemonGeminiX (08-10-2016), Fodster (07-24-2016), RBP (08-10-2016)
How do you blow up a Muslim's iPhone?
DemonGeminiX (08-10-2016), KevinD (08-10-2016), RBP (08-10-2016)
RIP boiled water....... you will be mist
PorkChopSandwiches (08-15-2016), RBP (08-14-2016), The Monk (08-30-2016)
What do you call a woman who pleasures herself with a vegetable?
The Monk (08-30-2016)
My girlfriend asked me if I had ever pissed in the Shower.
I said, "Yeah, a couple of times, accidentally."
She said, "That's disgusting! What do you mean accidentally?!"
"Hey," I said, "these things happen when you're taking a shit."
DemonGeminiX (08-16-2016), Goofy (08-25-2016), RBP (08-25-2016), redred (08-16-2016), The Monk (08-30-2016)
A black kid and his father are on an airplane
The plane suddenly starts to lose altitude and the captain made an announcement.
"Attention passengers. Due to an engine failure we are forced to dump all your baggage to lighten the plane. Unfortunately the plane is still too heavy so we have no choice but to start throwing out passengers by alphabetical order until the plane is light enough. We will start with the A's. Will all African Americans please jump out of the plane."
The little boy starts getting up but his dad stops him. "We are not African Americans."
Shortly after another announcement is made. "Ladies and gentlemen we are still to heavy. We must move to the B's. Will all blacks please jump out of the plane."
The boy starts getting up but his dad stops him again. "No son we are not black."
Shortly after another announcement is made. "Ladies and gentlemen we are still to heavy, we must now move to the C's. Will all colored people please jump out the plane."
Again the boy starts getting up but his dad stops him. "No son were not colored." "But dad, if we're not African American, black, or colored, what are we?" "Son, today we're niggers and we sure as hell ain't jumping before the Mexicans!"
DemonGeminiX (09-13-2016), Muddy (08-25-2016), RBP (08-25-2016), The Monk (08-30-2016)
A kid walks upto his dad. He asks him to explain the difference between the words realistically and potentially.
His father responds by telling him to go ask his mother if she would sleep with their neighbour, Brett, for a million dollars. He then told him to also ask his sister whether she would sleep with their neighbour, Brett, for a million dollars. And he also told him to ask his brother whether he would sleep with Brett for a million dollars.
The kid asks everyone. He comes back and tells his dad that they all said yes.
His father responds that potentially, we're sitting on 3 million dollars. Realistically, we have two whores and a faggot in the family.
DemonGeminiX (09-13-2016), RBP (09-16-2016)
There are 3 stages of marital sex.
Stage 1 is "house sex" - you have sex all over the house.
Stage 2 is "bedroom sex" - you only have sex in the bedroom.
Stage 3 is "hallway sex" - you walk past each other in the hallway and say "Fuck you"
I wanted to be a Monk, but I never got the chants.
The Monk (09-25-2016)
You know what the best part about being married is?
A: You always know where your next piece of ass is coming from.
You know what the worst part about being married is?
A: You always know where your next piece of ass is coming from.
I wanted to be a Monk, but I never got the chants.
An American, a Brit and a Mexican are sitting in a helicopter
The Brit throws out a bag of tea, explaining to the confused others: "We have so much tea in England we can just throw it out!"
The Mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explaining "We have so much peppers in Mexico, we can just throw it out!"
The American proceeds to throw the Mexican out of the helicopter.
"Why did you do that?!" exclaimed the Brit.
The American turns around. "He killed my wife."
redred (09-22-2016)
Bill gates: So why don't you tell me why Bing failed.
Board: We feel there was a public nescience towards Bing.
Bill gates: Nescience? Let me Goog- Oh I see what you mean.