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Thread: redred's bad jokes

  1. #646
    Look Into My Eyes DemonGeminiX's Avatar
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    I got fired from my job at the bank the other day. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.


    Warning: The posts of this forum member may contain trigger language which may be considered offensive to some.

    Music was better when ugly people were allowed to make it.

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  3. #647
    Shelter Dweller The Monk's Avatar
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    Doctor: “Hello, sir. I’m calling from the hospital. Your wife has been brought in for a full examination, after a bad car accident.”

    Me: “Oh my! That’s terrible! How is she behaving now?”

    Doctor: “Sorry to report, but I am afraid she's CRITICAL...”

    Me: “Oh, okay! Don’t worry about it...You’ll eventually get used to that...”

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  5. #648
    Shelter Dweller The Monk's Avatar
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  7. #649
    Lying dog-faced pony soldier Teh One Who Knocks's Avatar
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    A priest goes golfing with his sailor buddy one day..

    The sailor took his first shot missed and said, "Fuck, I missed." Surprised, the priest replied, "Don't use that kind of language or god will strike you down."

    The sailor took aim and hit his shot second shot. Again he missed and under his breath the said, "I fucking missed again." The priest overheard and replied, "My son, please don't use that language or god will strike you down."

    The sailor took his third shot and once again he couldn't help mutter, "Oh fuck, I missed". The priest said, "That's it god will certainly strike you down."

    Suddenly, the skies darkened, thunder boomed and a bolt of lightning came down...but it hit the priest. From the heavens a deep voice said, "Oh fuck, I missed".

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  9. #650
    Biden's Carpet Slippers lost in melb.'s Avatar
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    A man boarded an aircraft at London 's Heathrow Airport for New York...

    ... and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane.

    He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo - she took the seat right beside him.

    "Hello", he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"

    She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the annual Nymphomaniac convention in the United States ."

    He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!

    Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

    "Lecturer," she responded,” I use my experience to disprove some of the popular myths about sexuality.."

    "Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?"

    "Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

    Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent.

    We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish."

    Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said. "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!"

    "Tonto," the man said. "Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy."

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