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Thread: My Own Joke Thread - SFW, NSFW & Offensive Content

  1. #721
    Shelter Dweller The Monk's Avatar
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    Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter, flight for 4 people?! I'm still looking for 2 more people to join us. We leave early Saturday morning and will fly to a secluded bay down south where we will have breakfast and then on a yacht for lunch. Then we'll do some island hopping before flying back home. Promises to be an amazing experience. If interested please let me know. Preferably someone with a helicopter and yacht, otherwise we can't go...

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  3. #722
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    In World War I there was trench warfare, and neither the Allies nor the Germans could get the upper hand. They were reaching a stalemate.

    One day, an Aussie Digger came up with a plan that would help win them the war. This Digger explained his plan to his trench mates and they figured "Why not? It's not like we have any better ideas".

    The next day, an Aussie soldier called out "Hans!?" A German popped up and shouted back "Ja?!" Boom, the German was shot dead.

    The next day the Aussies shouted again "Hans?!" "Ja?!" Shot dead!

    This process continued over the next couple of days. The Germans were losing large numbers, and were now finally catching on.

    The Germans had an emergency meeting. They thought they could come back from the heavy losses using the same tactics as the Australians. Thus, a German asked "What is a popular Australian name?" "Bruce!" replied another.

    The next day, the Germans decided to execute their plan. A German shouted "Bruce!?" An Aussie called back "Is that you Hans?!" "Ja!" And that is how the Aussies helped to win WWI.

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    DemonGeminiX (02-01-2021), KevinD (03-14-2021), lost in melb. (03-15-2021)

  5. #723
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    I was shagging the woman from next door over the kitchen table, when we heard the front door opening. That's my husband she said "Quick try the back door". I knew I should have left before her husband caught me, but there's no way I was refusing an offer like that!

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  7. #724
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    A suicide bomber died and went to Paradise, as foretold. When he arrived there, he said to Allah that he was ready to claim his 72 virgins, as promised. Out of curiosity he asked Allah why there were so many virgins in heaven. Allah regarded him for a moment, then replied "Actually, the 72 virgins are here in heaven because people like you murdered them before they could experience the pleasure of sex. So you're here to service them. Since they're virgins, they're quite sexually ravenous and, frankly, you'll be on constant, exhausting duty. I shall banish you from Paradise should you fail!" The bomber responded "Well, I guess I can live with that. How hard can it be to keep 72 women satisfied for all eternity?" Allah replied "Who said they were women?"

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    DemonGeminiX (04-30-2021), KevinD (03-14-2021), lost in melb. (03-15-2021)

  9. #725
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  10. #726
    Biden's Carpet Slippers lost in melb.'s Avatar
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    Oh boy


  11. #727
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    My mate has been giving prostitutes oral sex to help him sleep and said "it was great advice and had worked a treat"

    I said "no you thick cunt I said have you tried Horlicks!

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  13. #728
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    A guy walked up to a beautiful young woman in a bar. "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?" he said to her. "I don't know" replied the beautiful young woman. "It depends how personal it is". "OK" the guy said "How many men have you slept with?" "I'm not going to tell you that!" the woman exclaimed. "That's my business!" "Sorry" said the guy "I didn't realise you made a living out of it".

  14. #729
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    I used to go out with a girl who punched me in the face when she orgasmed. I didn't mind too much until I found out she was faking them.

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  16. #730
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    Great artistry!

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